Saturday, August 11, 2012

I am just going to go ahead and say it - deep down if I really come clean I am angry. I know that is selfish and that I shouldn't be, but I really am. I also know that we had more time with him than many have with their grandparents. Not only were they in our lives clear into adulthood, but we shared so much with them. That should make me feel better, but it doesn't.  I still hurt.

They say time heals.......but I have yet to find that true. Actually I still feel like I lose a tiny piece of my heart everyday that he is gone. Not a single day goes by when I don't think of him. And everytime I do it still stings that I still have to remind myself he is not here.  It still hurts.

There isn't much I can do that doesn't remind me of him. And I still hurt.

And what stings the most is that Katie remembers him. She still talks about him, asks questions and tells me she misses him. It hurts that I know even though she still remembers him, she will most likely not in 5 years. He wasn't there for her 5th Birthday, little Graduation Ceremony (and he would have loved it), and he won't be there for Hannah's first "concert" this December. Man would he get a kick out of Hannah. Such a little personality - just like when she was a baby and we went to visit Lisa together. He got "such a charge" out of her little stubborness and would just chuckle. She is the same now, but comes up with words to back her little personality up......and he is not here to chuckle.......

And it still hurts.

I miss him so much.......

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