It's times like these - when I am trying to fall asleep and memories or thoughts of him come flooding to me. And I wish more than anything I could remember everything.... I can still hear his laugh. His "genuine-I love life and all that it brings with it" hearty laugh - I pray I will always be able to hear it. And it hurts that my girls will never know it for themselves.

About one year ago I was with him in Boston visiting Lisa and her family. It was thought up as a distraction to prevent him from sitting at home hurting over losing grandma. But it was probably the biggest blessing to me and I am humbled to have been able to travel with him one last time. We fought over money (he got upset when I tried to pay for anything - a true gentleman!) and we fought over the temp in the hotel room (I liked ac and he was always freezing!) Everytime we walked by the giant fan in the hotel hallway he would cuss at it loudly! But mostly, what I am hoping to always remember is watching him lovingly watch his great-grandkids. He had this "I just am in awe" look as he would sit and smile at whatever they were doing. He got the "biggest charge" (one of my grandma's most quoted quotes) out of my little Hannah, who would hear me say "Say mama, say mama, say mama," and then say while smiling, "dada, dada, dada!" He just laughed everytime! And then in the airport when she looked up from her carseat and very simply started saying "Mama" he must have laughed for 10 minutes or so. It's so hard to describe, but his smile and laugh were just so amazing and happy it would make anyone in the room instantly smile as well. He even gave me an old favorite of calling out "No peekies!" even though it didn't apply on that trip (because he slept in layers he was so cold!) When we were growing up and would travel, he would always yell that so us granddaughters would look away and not see him jump into bed in his undies!

The other day we had trouble with our car, and for the first time in my life I couldn't call and ask his opinion. He was the "car guy." Even if he couldn't fix it, he would be a ride, or a jump or the one to lead us to the person who could. He sold me my first car. A Volvo station wagon that he had bought in New Jersey from some family friends. I liked to joke that he actually sold me a lemon, because I had lots of problems with it! He finally acknowledged that it was time to get another car he was driving it with me and pulled off because he heard what appeared to be a police siren. I said "no - that's not a police car, that's the noise it makes when I go over a certain speed!" We laughed and he helped me sell it and directed me to another car purchase that he sought out for me.

Lisa wrote about him leaving his wallet at home - so true! But when we would get up in the mornings in Lincoln Park and go "get the newspaper," I always reminded him to bring his teeth! He had partial dentures for as long as I can remember and if he forgot them our "secret breakfasts" were not an option - we'd have to just have our coffee and hot chocolate! Grandma always joked with me about "stealing her boyfriend," but of course she knew how important that was to me. He was setting an example to me of being there. He was there for everyone of us, and we knew at least one guy always had our backs growing up. I never realized how important that was until now........And I still don't know if I will ever feel whole again......